Waiting, Waiting

Sorry again for the gap, it’s just been hard to keep track of everything and make sure…I’ll be honest, I can’t remember how I meant to finish that sentence. I’ve been busy, is what I’m trying to say, and trying to keep my head together enough to take care of Emily and make sure that whenever Arkham does show up, we’re ready…I did it again. I’d delete and try and start again if I thought it would make a difference. I’m just not where I used to be. I know he’s coming soon, that bastard, but I didn’t want to post because I didn’t want him knowing how vulnerable I am. But I guess the truth was going to come out eventually.

I’m very unwell. I had to tell Emily a couple of days sago. There was no way I could keep covering it up. She keeps asking where she’s going to go when this gets too much and I keep wanting to tell her the answer…but I don’t know the answer. Who’s left to take her!? Elaine and Rachael are gone, Elliott is just a kid himself really and even if I thought they’d take her, I don’t trust Ronan and David. Actually I trust Ronan perfectly, it’s David I don’t. I know he wants to bring her over to the Tree Walker. Valerie is not in the right state to be hauling a child around, even if she wanted to, which I doubt somehow. Peter and Natalie, again, are just kids. God only knows where Jean is gone, not that she’d take her either…

I’m still here but I don’t know for how much longer. I’ll linger as long as I can but I don’t know that there’s anyone left that’s both trustworthy and willing to take her. Every day I wake up a little dimmer, a little slower, yet always taking another inexorably sudden step towards the end.